Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
