I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
