Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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