I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
