everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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