I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
