Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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