i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Girls should come with a carfax report
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
