Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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