His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I have post one night stand depression
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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