I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
