What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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