so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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