he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize