I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
