Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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