I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I understand Curling. That high.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
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If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
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I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.