Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying