Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after