Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..