He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.