Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
