I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.