Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!