i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.