just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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