Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
