I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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