I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
