the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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