but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Mom said you looked used
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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