If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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