she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
