you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
