I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
