she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
