im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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