I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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