Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(856): View more from New Jersey

i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.

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(856): i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again. http://tfl.nu/ts1b

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(770): View more from Georgia

Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.

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(770): Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much. http://tfl.nu/renf

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(831): View more from California

No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick

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(831): No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick http://tfl.nu/r1nb

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(502): View more from Kentucky

if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.

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(502): if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords. http://tfl.nu/tyuw

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(361): View more from Texas

When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard

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(361): When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard http://tfl.nu/jjpz

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(201): View more from New Jersey

It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.

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(201): It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb. http://tfl.nu/thcm

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(+61): View more from Australia

He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds

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(+61): He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds http://tfl.nu/yob4

Replies (8) Good night (1071) Bad night (2302) Order T-Shirt
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(573): View more from Missouri

ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.

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(573): ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME. http://tfl.nu/9twm

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(248): View more from Michigan

Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?

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(248): Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door? http://tfl.nu/ayiv

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(540): View more from Virginia

The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?

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(540): The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad? http://tfl.nu/48x6

Replies (21) Good night (963) Bad night (4503)
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(864): View more from South Carolina

I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers

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(864): I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers http://tfl.nu/0wmu

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(928): View more from Arizona

I deem it safe for us to drink together again.

(1-928): View more from Arizona

They dropped the charges?

(928): View more from Arizona

Yeppers. Come drink beers.

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(928): I deem it safe for us to drink together again. (1-928): They dropped the charges? (928): Yeppers. Come drink beers. http://tfl.nu/va29

Replies (8) Good night (2771) Bad night (556)
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(217): View more from Illinois

Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.

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(217): Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not. http://tfl.nu/3f1l

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.

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(832): The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats. http://tfl.nu/ohp9

Replies (2) Good night (911) Bad night (146)
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(318): View more from Louisiana

U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.

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(318): U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off. http://tfl.nu/1s94

Replies (3) Good night (385) Bad night (128)

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