i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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