i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize