Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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