Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
