I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
