Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize