Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
