In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
