so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
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So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
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I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
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