Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
my liver is dry heaving
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
