Define "chronic" masturbator.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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