Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Randomize