Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize