last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
