Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
