he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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