i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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