His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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