bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
