butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
