WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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