Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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