did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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