I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
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