He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i dont even know how to be here
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
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