i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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