I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
