Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
