yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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