I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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