Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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